“What age should my son be before I show him to Doctor Who?” “My daughter is 6, she’s ready for Harry Potter, right?”
I’ve attended and participated in numerous “Introducing Kids to Fandom” & “Parenting Geeks” panels at conventions that have featured child psychologists, educators, religious figures, writers, and other stay-at-home parents. The one definitive thing I’ve learned is that everyone has an equally strong, but wildly varying opinion on these types of questions.
My answer to the question is “It depends entirely on your kid.” The consensus acceptable age isn’t the point here. Sure, there are some obvious rules such as, “It isn’t in anyone’s best interest for you to show your 5-year-old Saw”, (or Barney for that matter, but that is just for your sanity). Textbook analysis and studies are excellent resources, but they lack a personal relationship with your child. You likely know better than anyone what your child can and cannot handle. My personal approach has been to collect as much data, information, & opinions as I can and mix them up with the main ingredient for parental dilemma stew–experience.
Here are 5 ideas and tips to consider when introducing your kids to your favorite geeky fandom.
Remember Gore & Horror Aren’t the Only Things to Consider
It makes sense on the surface, but we have a tendency as parents to focus so intently on the conventional “scary” things that we sometimes forget that there is more to worry about than monsters and sword fights.
My son was watching David Tennant episodes of Doctor Who when he was 3. He especially loved the episode “Blink” and wasn’t scared or uncomfortable. However, Disney’s Brave at the same age resulted in a frosted-mini meltdown.
He explained (in the best way a 3-year-old could) that he didn’t like the bears because they “hurt mama.”
Two years later when Guardians of the Galaxy was released. I watched the film first and decided the violence and themes would be manageable for him and that he’d enjoy Groot and Rocket Racoon, but did have some concerns about the opening scene with Peter’s mom dying. I explained it beforehand to prepare him and he he was able to get through it.
The terrifying Weeping Angels or sci-fi violence weren’t the issue for him. It was the imagery of a mother being ill or in danger that scared him more than anything.
Re-Watch Your Childhood Faves Before Sharing with Your Child (aka The Monster Squad Rule)
This tip is almost essential if you were growing up in the 80s. We all have our perfect memories of those films that we enjoyed so much when we were kids and as parents we simply cannot wait to share them with our kids. For me, that movie is the 1987 “classic”, The Monster Squad. The Monster Squad is sort of a poor man’s Goonies except rather than pirates and crime families the villains were Universal monsters like Dracula, Wolfman, Mummy, Gila Monster and in the Sloth role of misunderstood outcast-turned-hero, Frankenstein.
I couldn’t wait to share this one with my kid and in my excitement didn’t bother rewatching. About ten minutes in there was a very casual and repetitious use of a gay slur that we do not use in any capacity in my household. This lead to a “Pause & Talk” moment that wasn’t planned for. We explained that this is what the word means, this is why you never use it in any context, etc. Ultimately, it provided a very good teaching opportunity, but one that my wife and I would have certainly liked to have the opportunity to discuss and plan for. We no longer watch our childhood favorites (especially from the 80s) with him without invoking The Monster Squad rule.
Watch with Them
We’ve all parked our kids in front of a TV or iPad when we need a minute to ourselves, to take a work call, or to finish a blog post for Sartorial Geek. I certainly have. No judgment here. That said, I’ve found that it works best when it’s something they’ve already seen or are familiar with. If you’re wanting to share something with them and expect them to connect with it then being present for the experience is key. If you need to get something done, that’s the time to plop them down for the 13th viewing this week of Trolls* rather than the pilot of Firefly. The best part of geeking out together is the discussion.
*Don’t do this with Pixar films because I promise you’ll find yourself getting pulled in (even on the 13th viewing) and the blog post will never get written. Speaking of….be right back.
Watch with Subtitles On
My wife has a hearing impairment and we watch everything with subtitles. I’ve gotten so used to it that not only do I not notice, but it feels strange when they aren’t there. I’ve found subtitles helpful on two fronts. First, when my son was learning to read he would recognize words more quickly and is an excellent speller. Obviously, there is genetics and work ethic in play there, but I think the subtitles definitely helped in terms of recognizing patterns and structure of words & sentences. Beyond the developmental stage it is really helpful in terms of grasping and retaining plot points. I’ve noticed that he asks more questions about words he doesn’t recognize that has lead to some great educational moments.
If You’re Really Passionate About a Fandom, Don’t Push It (aka The Great Harry Potter Struggle)
We all have that thing that we can’t wait to share with our kids because it means so much to us. In our household that has been Harry Potter. My wife and I both love the series. We know that our son will love the series as well. In short – we have absolutely zero chill about Harry Potter.
The frustrating reality is that around the time kids are in the mental place to be able to enjoy the HP series they are firmly trying to establish their own identities. The easiest and most accessible way to do this is to find things that they feel to be “the norm” and take the opposite stance. (No, it isn’t just your kid!) What is more representative of the norm to a 7-year-old than “Things Mom & Dad” do?
We really want him to read the series before he gets spoiled to the good stuff, but the more we push the harder the resistance is. Once we decided to stop mentioning or negotiating with it it wasn’t very long before we noticed him quietly sitting in the corner with a copy of Sorcerer’s Stone and eyes as big as dinner plates. He’s since plowed through Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban and is about a third of the way through Goblet of Fire. There have been periods where he’s read other stuff and that is perfectly okay. If the kids are going to love any fandom they’ll have to come around to it on their own terms.
We have one hard Harry Potter rule that sometimes causes some frustration, but it’s proven to be a motivating factor.
He cannot watch a HP movie until he’s read the corresponding book. We’ve evoked this same rule on the upcoming A Wrinkle in Time as well and he immediately asked for a copy of the book and dove right in.
My kid just turned nine and is starting to play Minecraft and Roblox online with his friends. It is almost like the learning experience has flipped and now he’s teaching me. Either way it’s creating memories and experiences and that’s the best part of being a parent.
What are some of the ways you’ve introduced fandom to your kids? Post them in the comments below!
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Stephen Webb
Stephen is a stay-at-home dad, husband, writer, podcaster, performer, & pop culture fanatic.
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