This episode should have been called Tulip-alooza or something, because we get to spend a LOT of time with our heroine – and that is always a good thing. The action starts with Ms. O’Hare speeding to New Orleans to find the Grail, but all she finds is an empty office and a janitor who doesn’t know anything. On her way back to Angelville, God (on a motorcycle with a hot blonde) reaches out to her again – and when he takes off his latex dog mask, he looks just like “fake god” from Season 1. God says this, and everything else, is by his design. Tulip calls bullshit (you tell him, girlfriend). God gets pissed and throws her into her car before he departs.
Jesse doesn’t understand why God would reach out to Tulip instead of him; instead of commenting on his fragile masculinity (which I really wanted her to do), she tells him that God is afraid of him. She’s feeling pretty confident, though, that she could kick God’s ass – and Gran’ma’s. This does NOT go over well with Jesse, who tells her in no uncertain terms to stay away from Gran’ma. Tulip doesn’t seem to care, because even after a few stern rebukes from Jesse, she still busts into the matriarch’s room and finds hundreds of blood-stained handkerchiefs.
Tulip presses T.C. for information about what the hankies are – in exchange, she has to see his “dingle.” As it turns out, each bloody cloth represents a contract with someone – a blood compact that represents the relationship between debtor and creditor. Tulip is convinced that destroying the hanky should eliminate the debt, but T.C. stands firm, even when Tulip literally squeezes the aforementioned dingle – the only person who can erase the debt is Gran’ma. He warns Tulip not to cross Gran’ma, so she tries a different approach and heads over to the competition, Madame Boyd. More on that in a moment.
Cassidy lets T.C. “operate” on his gunshot wound, even though he knows he’ll heal on his own. He regales T.C. with stories of all the times he’s been shot and stabbed (which are super funny stories, by the way), which of course confuses our bayou buddy – he notices that Cassidy doesn’t have nearly enough scars. Jesse STRONGLY advises Cassidy to leave, saying that if his family finds out he’s a vampire, they’ll kill him – but Cassidy is not having it. His whole “I’m not leaving without Tulip” bit is getting a little tired, if you ask me, and it gets even MORE tired when he goes to Gran’ma and gets the love potion she mentioned in the first episode. Will he use it? Who knows…but his single-mindedness regarding Tulip is making him careless about covering his mostly-immortal tracks.
Before he gets too far, T.C. catches him killing and drinking the blood of a chicken, so he and Jody string Cassidy up and prepare to hang him upside down until the sun comes up and burns him to death. T.C. and Jody ask Jesse if he knew that Cassidy was a vampire, and Jesse says no – but he also says that the Tombs would be a better way to proceed. So, we end up with Jesse in a top hat, putting on a show while announcing that Cassidy and the pedophile vice principal will fight each other, presumably until one of them is dead. It’s a very weird Cajun fight club kind of a vibe – and Jesse’s eyes really look dead as he’s playing his part. Angelville is not bringing out the best in him, and I hope he figures out a way to get out soon…
As for where Tulip ends up, she tries to sell Madame Boyd a fake name and story, but Madame Boyd (who is MUCH younger than I would have guessed) knows all about Tulip and Jesse. Tulip tries to escape, but Madame Boyd’s henchmen have her pretty well surrounded. She’s not going to go anywhere quietly, though – this storyline ends with Tulip pointing a loaded gun right at Madame Boyd’s face.
Do you think there’s actually a way to break the blood compact between Jesse and Gran’ma? And how in the world is Cassidy getting out of his mess? I’d love to hear your theories!
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